Porn

Of the quilt variety, people.

Now, I love fabric me.



I love sewing. I indulge in the crazy loco past time of cutting up said fabric and sewing it together again. Madness, but hey, keeps me off the streets.

Whilst enduring the early mornings with The Tinker (6am is the sticking point at the moment) I sit and read my shamefully ever expanding collection of quilting and sewing books. Well, that's in between pressing the remote control for the DVD player for the short person (DVDs are a big obsession at the moment).



Got this one last week but, lazily, left it in the packet and only got round to opening it this morning.
 



 
Oh my goodness- why did I wait? So good.
 
Usually you get a book with about 50% stuff in it you like, but this stuff is all just lovely. Inspiring even. The sort of stuff that makes a girl want to scamper to her fabric stash and get going straight away.
 
But, unfortunately, I must paint the front room this week and the combination of DIY and sewing would make my brain explode.
 
*gnashes teeth*
 
I guess I should've called this one 'Porn & Frustration'  Ooooer, that's even ruder.

Postscript: here's a piccie of a recently completed masterpiece using the book

Fudging

So: continuing on my culinary crusade to debunk the myth of stuff you think is 'too tricky' to have a go at; today I tackle Fudge. Motivated by my greed, this is a recipe I have found to be the most reliable, so thanks James Martin (click here for recipe)

Now this fudge is a bit like butter tablet (tooth achingly sweet Scottish confection) not the gooey creamy stuff. Sort of grainy in a creamy sort of way.

It is the perfect activity for wet afternoons, but hold the kids on this. Grown up hot stuff. (Have kid friendly sweet stuff in the pipeline though, don't panic)

Some points:
1.  you're gonna need a heavy based saucepan for this. The sort that if you dropped it on your toe would require a trip to A&E. It's essential, I'm afraid. It will prevent the stuff from burning. I use my Le Creuset casserole for this (in fact, rather revealingly, I use it more for fudge than casseroles) *the shame*
2. use proper vanilla extract please.
3. I'm adding nuts to mine. Pecans and walnuts bashed with a rolling pin. You could leave them out, of course.
4. I use full cream milk, or why bother.
5. golden caster sugar will melt/dissolve more easily than granulated. Fair trade would be good (and you can feel morally superior when guzzling it down later)

Start by melting it all together on a lowish heat, but leave the vanilla out for the time being. Bit of stirring here and there. You could multitask this with tea drinking and getting a tin ready. Brownie tin size and greased with a little butter. Also get a little bowl of cold water, about half full and put to one side.

Like the jam, make sure all the sugar has dissolved/melting; check by feeling the back of the spoon. When that's done then turn the heat up. At this point you will have to put the cup of tea down and stir. Sorry.

Boil it for 15 mins (maybe more), stirring a lot of the time and then take it off the heat - you need a steady boil for this. You will notice a lot of the moisture will have evaporated off and it's thickened up. In fact, rather than boiling up the side of pan it will be a bit like melted cheese and will decrease in volume.


Take a spoonful (small) and drop it in the water. Leave it for a min and then give it a squeeze. If it is a 'soft ball' then stop boiling. If not, back on the heat. *Science bit: the setting point for this is 112-115C for nerdlingers with their own thermometers and sugar concentration will be 85%*

If it is ready then walk away and leave it for 5 mins. Have a brew perhaps and come back. At this point add the vanilla (sizzle), and in my case, nuts. This is a critical bit. Beat that sucker until it starts getting really thick and a bit grainy (about 5 mins) You don't want it so thick you can't get it out of the pan though. Think consistency of cake mixture - stiff cake mixture. If it turns into sand then you've gone too far (in which case, open the gin)

Hoik it out of the pan and into the tin. It will be craggy - take time in trying to make it smooth. It it is cool enough, press it down with your fingers.

You can see from mine that I didn't fill the whole tin. I wanted tall chunks rather than paving slabs. Mark out squares whilst still warm to aid the cutting process.

Leave to cool.





Then gorge yourself into a hyperglycaemic coma. I made double quantities so some will be going to my Monster in Law to bribe some babysitting out of her.

Evil laughter.....

Jellytastic

No, not more jam shenanigans. But this:

I know I seem like a one woman WI branch and I realise I am deeply uncool. I spent a lot of time with my Nannan as a kid...

Anyway. So, patchwork quilting. I made this with a jelly roll (which I believe is some Americanism for something edible involving jam); to the uninitiated it is a collection of different fabrics in 2.5 inch strips, approx. 44 inches long. Inches I say, because that's what quilters work in.

I used this book, btw

I've got my eyes on some nice ones from here. Thanks to Nat for pointing me in their direction.

Domestic goddesstry - maybe

Well, it's about time I went all Delia on yo'asses.

Cruising past the soft fruits in Waitrose (yeah, we're not that posh - we sloped in to renew the endless supply of ice lollies needed to keep The Tinker quiet) I spied some raspberries going dead cheap.

29p for 200g, marked down from £1.99

So, I pick me up 10 boxes and headed home for some jam making.


Now - your gonna say, why bother? Well, home made is better but only if you can source some reasonably priced fruit.

I've made jam quite a lot and here's some observations.

1. you don't need all the jam making equipment they say you do.
2. follow some rules and it's OK, really it is.
3. don't try and make it with house full of kids. Or The Tinker under your feet.
4. preparation is necessary, boring, but necessary.
5. wear an apron for goodness sake.
6. strawberry can be tricky for the novice jammer.

So here's my foolproof recipe/method for raspberry jam.

First of all. Get a pinny on. Weigh the fruit. Check there's no beasties crawling around in it.
You can do equal amounts of fruit to sugar (bog standard granulated is fine) but I like it a bit fruitier, me. I had 1.8kg of raspberries to 1.4kg sugar.
Put sugar and fruit in a big pan. It doesn't have to be a preserving pan. Be aware that this stuff boils up the sides and unless you want to be scraping it off your hob after then dig out a big one. Mix fruit and sugar up a bit. Leave.

Wash your jars. You need hot soapy water for this one. Scrub the lids. Now, for jars you can go posh like those kilner jars. You can get some ordinary ones (available from Lakeland) . Both pricey options. For the cheapskate like me you can cunningly save jars from the recycling or buy truckloads of Tesco value Mint Sauce (bargain at 25p each). They need to be emptied and washed out quite a bit and the lids will needs soaking in bicarb of soda to take the minty taste away. Try and use small jars if you're giving these as gifts, no one wants 2lbs of jam, even if it is nice. Rinse the jars in running water and put in a warm oven (warm not hot). You need to put the lids in too. Leave them in there until you need 'em. This is sterilising, people.

Find 3 saucers and put them in the freezer.

Make a cup of tea. Sit down and drink it. Have a biscuit, perhaps.

Stick pan on heat. Medium heat at first to dissolve the sugar crystals. After 5 mins and you've felt the back of a wooden spoon to check it's not gritty you can turn the heat up to high. Juice a lemon at this point and sling in the mixture. Boil it up, stirring every now and then. After 10 mins you can check for a 'set'. Get a cold saucer from the freezer and spoon a bit on to it. Leave it for 2 mins. Then prod the blob with your finger - if it wrinkles a bit when you push it then you can stop the heating and start bunging it in the jars from the oven. If it hasn't, then give it another 5 mins and test again. If you are nerdly enough to have a sugar thermometer then you need it to hit 115 degrees C.

Now, at some point during this you will notice a frothy ring around the pan edges and on the top of the mixture. It is SCUM. You can leave it on, you can scrape if off and some people even claim that if you mix a bit of butter in then it will disperse. Up to you.

Be warned that raspberry jam will be absolutely chocka with seeds. It will amaze you. You can strain them out entirely with a sieve (metal one, purlease, hot jam and all that), or leave them in, or strain out half. Up to you, again.

I did strain today but it's not a question of pouring it through a sieve. Oh no. This is the tiresome bit. You gotta push the red hot liquid through it. The tasty bits of the raspberries are around those pesky seeds. So, it's a bit of work. Decide if you can be bothered.

So, you've boiled it, strained it, tested it for a set and you're ready to jar up. You can use a jam funnel for this. I'd say this was an very useful bit of kit, and cheap as chips. If you get molten jam on the outside of the jars it's a feckin' nuisance to clean off. Cover the top of the hot jam in the jars with a wax disk (again, not necessary but useful) with the shiny side down. Screw the lids on whilst it is all still hot.

Use gloves for this. Screw them on tight. As the jars cool down you will hear satisfying click of the little buttons on the lids as they contract back.

Clean up the kitchen. This will invariably mean chipping sticky jam of various surfaces.

Make a cup of tea and marvel in your ability to make a mess  domestic goddesstry.

Good old Mr Bunny...

He works!! And we love him, official like.

He's not of the strongest construction though, so watch out if your little monkey thinks he's a toy. The nightlight on a timer thing couldn't work with the Tinker because he doesn' like lights on in his bedroom  - must be the only kid not bothered by the dark or by the mad staring eyes of Mr Bunny.....

Flushed with success

Well, the tinkle targets worked a treat!

Smug, that's me.

Now, since I am on a roll, we're going to try to encourage Small Fry to stay in bed (and quiet) later than 5am. He's nearly 6. We're suffered enough and so have the neighbours. My current husband remarked this morning that 'eventually, this will kill us'. A little over dramatic, perhaps, but someone has to be up with him.

So:
could be the answer.....

Ready, aim, fire!

Right, that's it.

I have had it with the (and I'm sorry about this) dribbles of wee all over the loo floor.

Smells like a grimy old urinal in a park (not that I frequent such places, really I don't)

*am sure it's not just the short boy in this house either*

So, we are trying these little suckers:








Will let you know how we get on - hopefully the loo will be a much sweeter smelling place.

Underpants of resolve

Well, it's about time.


Y'all NEED to know about my life.

Well, no, you don't. But I'll tell you anyway.

This. Is. Me.

For those unintiated into the world of Ratatouille the film, that's how it starts. I know that, goodness me, do I know that for my son has watched it countless times.

Autism does that.

I could also do 'Thomas the Tank Engine' as a specialist subject on Mastermind.

Now, I'm not bellyaching about it/him/the condition. It is how it is. Autism isn't the tragedy, but misunderstanding it is. Hopefully, I can offer some insight into my boy's world. I go there a lot. It can be fun. It can be scary.

It's life in the extreme, for sure.

But don't let that put you off. I'll also be wittering about running, baking, chocolate, nice things I like and general, you know, stuff.